FOR HER Shagging - missionary Spreading your legs 5 calories Faking pleasure and an orgasm whilst thinking about what to wear tomorrow 50 calories Getting up and going out to have some fun once he’s passed out 200 calories
TOTAL: 255 calories
47 FOR HER Shagging - like a celebrity Finding a man so much younger than you that you’d be too embarrassed to introduce him to your friends 70 calories Doing it in the garden so that the paparazzi can photograph you 100 calories Enrolling at a clinic to treat your sex addiction 40 calories
TOTAL: 210 calories
83 NEhow, on the one hand, theres Jenny Craig. And, whos to say a little ketosis isn’t good for you. (especially the morning after the night before. Why would I want to remember, when I could be floating in a state of alternated reality). On the other hand, though, theres ‘shag yourself slim’. Decisions decisions. I’m weighing this. Thinking it through from all possible angles. As if. Shag-a-delic, baaaaby. FOR HIM Shagging - in front of a romantic fire Chopping the romantic wood 200 calories Lighting the romantic firelighters 10 calories Shagging her on a nice rug whilst keeping an eye on the romantic flames in case they die down 200 calories
TOTAL: 410 calories
88 If you want to create a shag haircut that is very heavy on the volume, then choppy layers are the way to go. This hairstyle is characterized by short layers of hair that are cut into various angles. The end result will be choppy layers around your head with lots of texture and movement throughout. 9. Messy Shag Haircut

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FOR HIM Finding a shag partner on holiday Holding your stomach in whilst walking along the beach looking for a suitable partner 40 calories Buying an ice-cream and sharing it with a stranger minus 200 calories Holding your stomach in even more 50 calories
TOTAL: minus 110 calories
18 FOR HIM Foreplay - nibbling Nibbling your partner’s ears 5 calories Nibbling your partner’s fingers 5 calories Nibbling your partner’s nipples 5 calories Nibbling your partner’s cream cakes minus 300 calories
TOTAL: minus 285 calories
32 FOR HER Shagging - a sheep Putting on several sets of false breasts to attract a male sheep 20 calories Letting your chosen ruminant mammal take you from behind 30 calories Running away from the excited farmer 300 calories
TOTAL: 350 calories
69 FOR HER Shagging - swingers Making much more effort to clean and polish yourself than you ever did for your husband 100 calories Making sure your husband washes his balls 20 calories Doing it with other couples because you still have needs but don’t fancy the hassle of divorce 300 calories
TOTAL: 420 calories
87FOR HIM Shagging - noisily Thrusting as hard as possible with the aim of breaking the bed 200 calories Howling with delight at the top of your voice 10 calories Repairing the wooden slats under the bed 70 calories
TOTAL: 280 calories
60 FOR HIM Shagging - a really fat bird Helping her up the stairs into your bedroom and administering oxygen 100 calories Heaving her up onto the bed and hoping the floorboards hold 100 calories Humping her as if you’re on a bouncy castle 100 calories
TOTAL: 300 calories
90

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Shagging - faking orgasm Shagging - real orgasm Shagging - telephone sex Extra calorific benefits of shagging Negative calorific aspects of shagging Shagging diary The shag haircut can look amazing on mature ladies. If you’re worried about your hair looking too wild, ask for side swept bangs which will help to soften up the choppy layers around your face. You can also ask for longer layers that fall just below your jawline to create a flattering shape while helping to balance out any areas that may be starting to thin. 19. Shag with Blonde Hair FOR HER Shagging - at the movies Lifting up your skirt and sitting on him 5 calories Waiting for him to finish his popcorn 2 calories Trying to show no expression when people turn round to see what the noise is all about 40 calories
TOTAL: 47 calories
53FOR HIM Shagging - a sheep Seducing it by wearing your favourite woolly jumper and talking knowledgeably about grass 20 calories Mounting it from behind while it’s still thinking about your comments on lawn upkeep 50 calories Running away from the jealous farmer 300 calories
TOTAL: 370 calories
68 FOR HIM Shagging - a nervous virgin Spending three days giving her foreplay and still she won’t relax 500 calories Trying to persuade her that you’re the best person to lose her cherry to 20 calories Giving up and heading into the loo for a wank instead 50 calories
TOTAL: 570 calories
70 FOR HIM Safe shagging - tight condoms Unwrapping the condom 10 calories Struggling to put on the condom when it’s an impressively tight fit 15 calories Hiding the used condom behind the radiator so scientists in the future can clone you from your spunk 5 calories
TOTAL: 30 calories
25 FOR HER Negative calorific aspects of shagging Being seduced with rich food and lots of alcohol minus 600 calories Swallowing instead of spitting minus 150 calories Getting the munchies after a good hard rogering minus 300 calories
TOTAL: minus 1050 calories
115 FOR HER Shagging - silently Lying still, not needing to fake enjoyment 5 calories Bracing your arms against the wall to muffle the bed’s vibrations 60 calories Worrying that your friends will think you’re having an epileptic fit and storm in to save you 10 calories
TOTAL: 75 calories
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FOR HER Shagging - a really fat bloke Undoing the long rope that’s holding up his trousers 5 calories Helping him locate his nob somewhere under his sagging stomach 20 calories Insisting that it’s probably better if you go on top 10 calories
TOTAL: 35 calories
91 FOR HER Shagging - a nervous virgin Wondering why you’re bothering to go to bed with such a nerd in the first place 10 calories Intimidating him with your sexual confidence and experience 20 calories Telling him it’s quite normal to ejaculate before he’s even got his pants off 10 calories
TOTAL: 40 calories
71 A short shag haircut is the perfect way to update your look and give yourself a cool and chic vibe. It has similar appearance to the classic bob, but with added layers and texture which give it a modern edge. It suits most faces, and can be styled in a variety of ways to suit your mood or outfit. 3. Medium Shag Haircut FOR HIM Shagging - two birds Almost creaming your pants when you realise two birds are prepared to go to bed with you 20 calories Worrying they won’t be satisfied with you and might demand a second bloke to help 10 calories Working twice as hard as normal to keep them both satisfied 330 calories
TOTAL: 360 calories
74The gypsy shag haircut is a fun and flirty style that is perfect for women who want to add some personality to their look. This style is characterized by long, loose layers that are styled in a messy fashion. You can wear your hair curly, wavy, or straight, and you can also add some light hold hairspray to the hair to keep it in place throughout the day. 12. Mullet Shag Haircut FOR HIM Foreplay - oiling Covering your body with lavender oil 10 calories Covering your woman’s body with lavender oil 20 calories Putting a towel on the bed so your sheets don’t get covered in lavender oil 5 calories
TOTAL: 35 calories
28 FOR HER Preparing for a shag Trying on 15 different outfits, none of which disguise your extra pounds 20 calories Squeezing your arse into tiny trousers meant for a 10 year old 5 calories Taking it all off again now that you’ve seduced him 10 calories
TOTAL: 35 calories
21 Layered shag haircuts are characterized by lots of volume and texture. This hairstyle can work well for women with any length of hair, but it looks particularly nice when there is some long layers added to the style. One of the best things about this hairstyle is that it can be styled in so many different ways. You can wear it curly, wavy, or straight, and you can also add some waves or curls with a curling iron if you want a more tousled look. You can also add some light hold hairspray if you want to keep the style in place all day long. 8. Choppy Shag Haircut FOR HER Preparing for a shag Starting to undo his jeans before he’s turned on 5 calories Removing his jeans once he gets excited 10 calories Undressing the rest of him with your teeth 10 calories
TOTAL: 25 calories

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FOR HER Self-shagging with a washing machine Loading the washing machine and switching it on 10 calories Sitting on it during the fastest spin cycle 30 calories Ironing the clothes afterwards 30 calories
TOTAL: 70 calories
11 FOR HER Self-shagging with a banana Walking to the supermarket 45 calories Peeling, inserting and shagging the banana 5 calories Spending ages trying get bits of semi-dissolved banana out of your twat 10 calories
TOTAL: 60 calories
15 A shag haircut is a great style for blonde hair as it adds some extra texture and an undone finish which works to brighten up your complexion. If you’re after a more subtle look, opt for low-maintenance highlights – this will prevent your colour from looking brassy and preserve your blonde hue for longer. 20. Shag with Brown Hair Shagging - your teacher Shagging - a sheep Shagging - a nervous virgin Shagging - a desperate virgin Shagging - two birds Shagging - two blokes Shagging - with another couple Shagging - orgies Shagging - with a celebrity Shagging - like a celebrity Shagging - on Big Brother Shagging - swingers Shagging - in front of a romantic fire Shagging - a really fat bird Shagging - a really fat bloke Shagging - up against a wall Shagging - the wheelbarrow position Shagging - cyber sex Shagging - side by side Shagging - spoons position Shagging - in the shower Shagging - mile high clubFOR HER Shagging - up the arse Recoiling in horror when you realise what he’s doing 10 calories Letting him give you one right up there whilst wondering whether to mention your diarrhoea problem 40 calories Apologising to him while he washes everything in the room twice. 5 calories
TOTAL: 55 calories
65 If you’re blessed with curly hair, then the shag haircut is ideal. With cut layers added to provide definition and give shape so your curls don’t get weighed down, plus softness through the ends, you can enjoy all-day volume and bounce in an instant. If you want to enhance your curls even further, use a texturizing product likea salt spray or sea salt gel. 5. Modern Shag Haircut FOR HER Shagging - noisily Rolling over every couple of minutes to change positions in a fervour of passion 200 calories Thumping the mattress in orgasmic ecstasy 30 calories Phoning your boyfriend to tell him you’re ready to see him now 5 calories
TOTAL: 235 calories
61 FOR HIM Shagging - in a porn film Having to ‘keep wood’ for hours at a time during multiple takes 300 calories Having to shag dozens of birds in a day’s work 500 calories Feeling guilty that you have such a great job while your mates work in a pie factory 10 calories
TOTAL: 810 calories
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